Five Stages, The Gear Snob: or, I just realized there is no way my f4-5.6 kit can take a decent photo

If only the photographer had a constant aperture zoom, a full-frame body (Canikon, naturally, because that’s what the pros use), a nice strobe (no, three strobes), a triple-layer carbon fibre tripod with graphite head, a computer with real grunt (Fruit Company issue, of course, because that’s industry standard), a suite of imaging software (from the Mud Hut Company, of course, because that’s what all the BoobTube videos give tips on) and a colour-balanced monitor...

...then they really could start taking great portraits of their family and friends.

(Image: R.Crapnell)

Even a lay person can understand this one. Or think they do, but can’t really. On second thoughts, no-one can really understand lens envy unless they have had it. It is the conviction that photographic quality only comes with the best gear available. It is insidious, it kills creativity, it inhibits insight and, sadly, it is entirely preventable. 

Almost.

Gear Snobbery usually manifests itself first in dissatisfaction with whatever lens came with their consumer-grade DSLR. Suddenly, there is no way that the kit lens that seemed like such a leap from the photographers Fruit Phone just six weeks ago can deliver the required photographic vision now. The only possible solution is buying a better lens, preferably one that costs twice as much as the entire kit they bought just six weeks before. Uncle Canikon and even Auntie Pentax know this and are only too eager to provide. Trust me.

The worst thing is that there is a grain of truth in the proposition that you need good gear to take better photos. For example, to achieve those stunning fashion-house grade shots you see in magazines photographers do need all that stuff… plus stylists, assistants, re-touchers, great locations, more lighting gear than you can fit in the boot of your scooter and, most importantly, a budget. Good gear will deliver better images in the hands of a good photographer, and can even make a competent photographer better with no further effort.

The problem is that gear snobbery usually kicks in well before the photographer becomes, well, competent. Or anything like it. Instead of going out and practicing, the Gear Snob will but their camera away until they can afford the right gear. Then, the new "ultimate" gadget purchase, the Gear Snob will head out to test the gear and probably return to the computer to look up some pricing on their next bit of kit.

Further, the Gear Snob is also in dire peril of becoming a brand fanboi (pronounced "fan-boy", after immature males who arbitrarily pick some consumer icon to adore, foresaking and heaping scorn on all others). Canon-shooting fanbois will refuse to play with Nikon users and vice versa while spending more hours on discussion boards bagging their respective dopplegangers than they do actually shooting. The best way to avoid being a fanboi, of course, is to shoot Pentax.

Gear Snobbery may also lead to or aggravate other gear-related afflictions like pixel peeping (judging the merits of an image on the basis of microscopic imperfections rather than artistic merit), feature fetishism (simply counting the number of features on photographer's camera as a measure of their capability), shoppism (equating post production steps with merit) and generally banging on about "sharpness" and something called "image quality". More sophisticated Gear Snobs may even venture into the scarily qualitative arena of weighing up the merits of "bokeh". 

No, actually, the really worst thing about this phase is that there is no upside to it and the photographer’s creative journey is most likely just going to suffer as a result of it. For instance, a badly afflicted sufferer will spend money on gear that might have been spent getting to places they actually want to photograph. Really severe cases will exacerbate the next phase, The Prosumer, and ultimately compound the Crushed Soul phase that often quickly follows. 

But all is not lost. Good gear lasts and ultimately it will be there when the Gear Snob finally finds enlightenment and starts taking the photos they want to take. In the most optimistic view, a bad case of Gear Snobbery early on will deliver many “aha” moments over the following years as dusty old bits and pieces become useful… or at least can often be sold on at pretty good prices years after they were purchased.

Tips for the Gear Snob from a bloke who has been there:

Assuming you MUST buy stuff, buy a good tripod first, then buy a good lens (zoom, probably, though purists will suggest a prime). If you have any money at all after that, your lens you bought wasn’t expensive enough so perhaps just buy some lessons. Mostly, though, just try to move on. And don't be a fanboi.